Author's Signature

    Яαgιи Яαvєи
    Cairo, Egypt
    Wanting people to listen, you can't just tap them on the shoulder anymore. You have to hit them with a sledgehammer, and then you'll notice you've got their strict attention.
View Profile

Enter your Email


Tapping at my chamber door

In 2008, I'll Get Me A Shotgun

I will also:
2. Get closer to
Job hunt some more.
4. Get closer to my
5. Learn a new language.
Finish at least one screenplay.
Lose the extra weight.
8. Get a
driver's license. I will not buy a car.
9. I will
rule my world.
10. I will have my

« Home

On price tags

I have cried.
Amongst the people who know me I keep giving the so wrong impression. A fellow blogger, one of the few sweet non-progressive ones, asked me if the reason I wanted to stop is because I was afraid of what I might say.

She's probably right. I'm too afraid.
I hate to seem desperate. I hate being fragile.
I lie to myself to be happy, to smile. I keep telling myself, I'm fine. I'll make it.
I keep telling myself that perhaps the more I lie, the further I'd get from the truth.
Outside the blogosphere, I'm the cold, unemotional guy who wouldn't get shaken by anything.
They don't know me. They don't know this.

When I was a teenager, like most of our generation, I have been suicidal. I even sat on a ledge once… but then I looked up and smiled.

There is still hope, I tell myself.
I lie to myself to be happy, to go on.
I ain't suicidal anymore. I've matured and grown.
I know what it takes to be a man.
I know what it takes to bury things.
I know what it takes to burn old pictures and smile.
But the more I smile, the faster I run back to where it lies. I find myself digging deep like I'm digging for gold.
Gold ain't what it is though.
I too dwell on the past.

I have been crushed several times.

I usually find myself recovering from it all and moving on.
Such is life, right?

I had dreams once.
When I was 12 I had a good voice. I wanted to be a singer/songwriter. My dad never got me the guitar I wanted. He got one for my sister though. She never played it.
I promised myself never to touch it.
So far I haven't.
I'm 25. It's been lying there for 12 years.
I wish I was that guitar.

I hold a successful job and my career is blossoming.
I work at a bank. I've been working there for over three years and I'm one step away from being promoted to a supervisor.
I hate my supervisor. I hope he gets hit by a meteor.
I hate my job. It lacks creativity and development.
It's basically killing me. I'm too good for it, but… well… Masr omm el donya.
I came tenth in college. It took me a year and a half to find a job, last among my colleagues.
I lacked WASTA.

I smoke.
I'm a heavy smoker.
I smoke almost two packs a day.
I'd quit if I had a reason to.
I smoke because I choose to be a smoker.
I smoke more than ever in private. A small idiot inside tells me that I do it intentionally for the reasons written in bold font on the cigarette pack.
I choose not to listen to that idiot.

The list is too long it hurts.

I lie to myself to be happy.

I'm fine.

nice, touching, heartbreaking, soul ripping, eyes watering, hair pulling, suffocating, gut tearing post

are u quiting wala eih ?
how come u say u're quiting then start up a new blog !

looks like this blog will be easier to understand :)

Jinx- Are you alright? :P

Maxxed- I guess I lied. Sue me :)

N- Oh I wish..

no i'm not alright but thanks for asking

you know i dont cry very often. i used to, but ive changed in the last few months. so why is it that in those few fleeting moments when i AM crying, (or on the verge of it) i happen to visit your blog and start crying even worse?
what's up with that?

and you know what else raven? i like it when my sad and evil thoughts are at the back of my head. i don't know why you provoke them. i tell myself that they're not there but then someone else gets depressed and they flow out like crazy.

whatever im just going to continue ignoring them... after the tears stop anyway.

oh and btw... you're the second person that admits to being suicidal today.

what a great day im having

Palo... I ain't suicidal anymore. I think I've grown over that stupid idea at the age of 17 when I realized that sometimes a person needs to overlook things in order to make it.

I've grown to think that a dream does not have to come true in order for a person to become the thing that they're destined to become... acceptance is the core of it all. To learn to let go sometimes.

عسى أن تحبوا شيئا و هو شرا لكم

I think you should quit your job.

And sit down at a cafe to discuss politics and soccer huh :P

Well, I might just do that.

Its better than to be stuck in a job u hate, with a boss u wish dead, and see ur creativity and the oppotunity to do sth u really like get banked right out of ur soul. It's really not worth it u knw.

1. Money
2. I'm too old to join a boy band :P
3. I'm too Egyptian to sing at Wembley stadium :P
4. Sometimes I just need a shamma3a to feel better.. especially when I'm.. u know. in my current state of major batteekh.

In the end I'll wake up and realize that I'm doing ok, that the supervisor whom I'm planning on murdering won't be my boss anymore in a couple months... that all is good and forget all about it.

Post a Comment

Recently Judged

Links, links & links

Blog Directory & Search engine