Tonight is definitely one of those nights; nights when it feels like I just want to blah.

I haven't gotten used yet to 2007. Many of the boring aspects of my job have to do with dates. I'm still stuck on 06; and every time I write the number 6 on any form, I have to throw it in the trash can. Sometimes, if I'm lucky, I can simply scratch the date out and fix it… and throw in a small signature on the side. It depends on the type of form I'm working on… and my mindset at the time.

I hate my signature. I hate the number 6.

It's like I still have unfinished business with the year.

What are years really anyway? Aren't they just a bunch of numbers that tell us that we're aging, that it's too late to do this and that we're too old to do that?

2006 is by far my least favorite year.

Maybe I'm stuck on it because I wasn't around to see the clock striking midnight. But then again I wasn't around last year either. I was asleep. Frankly, I don't think I care that much.

A friend of mine told me that he went to a party in some country house to "celebrate" New Year's Eve. Everybody was either drunk or… touching somebody who is. At around 3 am, he says, everybody was either wasted or hitting somebody else.

What a waste of human potential.

It's always been like that with me. Every time I felt like everything is ending, changes happen. الحمد لله

Here's a change to talk about. I don't crave for "computer quality time" anymore. A couple months ago, we were inseparable, the computer and I. It's probably the reason why I never sought marriage. It already felt like having a wife. Ask anyone you know and they'll tell you the same thing. Cars and computers; they both cut a decent figure out of your monthly paycheck. It's unstoppable. Ask married people about their cars and they'll tell you that it's like having a second wife.

To me, computer QT meant chatting, downloading music, movies, checking out news about wars, treaties, floods, earthquakes, etc, and… well… blogging obviously.

I stopped doing the first two.

Chatting is pointless and it leads you off, I reckon. Online… opposite sex chat is a must where I come from. And the hunt begins. People want their marriages to be based on love and "understanding" prior to marriage. Possible happy Valentine's and all that cheesy crap is a plus. Too much risk in arranged marriages; that's what I used to say.

2007 came with the belief that if one is honest with God about the kind of partner he/she desires, God would never let them down.

النية … that's all it takes.

Around the birth of 2007 I was getting a full refund; a refund for something that I never paid for in the first place.

Our generation! We think we've paid too much, seen too much. What the hell did we go through in order to claim peace and freedom of the mind? What war did we fight, what home did we die protecting?

Where is home?

Is it the place where you were born? Is it the place where you live now? Is it the religion, the faith in reincarnation into something better, a tree maybe or a fucking goat?

Yeah well…

2007 has so far marked me as a rebel against everything that I used to do and stand for. Sadly, the more I rebel against what I think is wrong, the more I stand my newly claimed ground with my shiny clean slate, the lonelier it gets. Like I've been unplugged out of the system. Disconnected from everything that used to mean life.

Regardless, I'm happy.

True happiness doesn't come from a cigarette or a happy Valentine's card. It's comes from up there. Al Hamdu Lellah.

The clocks did turn. They turned to mark something new, something better…

much, much better than just a lousy digit.

Labels: Diary