And so, guided by the strength of my inner dark prince, begins my recovery program.

They say that ambition is the seed of success.

I got promoted today at work. It’s been 20 months since my last promotion. When I got the news of my promotion over the phone, all I could say was OK. It didn’t feel as good as it should. It didn’t feel right. The timing sucked. I’ve been expecting that promotion for over a year now. I hate waiting for anything. I like things punctual.

I received an SMS from my direct manager at 8 pm today that said ‘Congratulations on your well deserved promotion’. I did not reply to the SMS. I did not reply to her call. I didn’t want to hear her voice. Plan A had me in her seat at the new branch. That was the plan I was promised. Secret Plan B is what they settled for. A fucking transfer order. She had good connections with the Head of Branches. They’re both women. They both sit and discuss ma7shy. I could do ma7shy if I had the recipe, COULDN’T I??

Cheap and ironic, they throw in a punch while you’re not looking. What good would it do to plant seeds in your backyard and then crush them in a smoker’s heart beat? And speaking of ma7shy… I hate it.

And so as cold as things become right before they melt, I told my friend who gave me the news about my promotion ‘OK’. He was too happy for me, the newbie. The poor bastard still doesn’t know what he’s getting himself into.

Getting your mood and attitude to the top of that tower is the work of ambition, and ambition only. Falling down is easy when you’ve got a zillion trolls waiting in the dark. They sting you off that mighty tall tower of grace and stupidity, where you thought you were the righteous prince.

But then again you’re not retarded, you just didn’t see them coming. I guess in laymen terms, the fall was inevitable.

That’s just how it works. After they push you over they run back down the stairs to kick you while your blood is still warm. They’ll be everywhere, but like a wise man once said ‘Those who worship God merely out of fear would worship the devil too if he appeared’.

Invisibility scares me, even if what is invisible is anticipated.

If I got to choose one super power, it would be invisibility.

It’s like baking a cake. You can’t bake a cake without baking powder even if you had all the other ingredients, can you? You can’t smoke a cigarette without a lighter, you can’t jump off a ledge without a building, you can’t exist without parents, you can’t go the distance without a pair of legs, and you can’t tell how much time you’ve wasted chasing a mirage without a fucking watch.

There is always a factor of no value what so ever missing from the bullshit equation. No piece of shit factor = No hope.

My valuing system is in the process of editing.

Price tagging all over again. They’re all the same, those unidentical twins.

It can’t be true that I’m right and they’re all wrong. CAN’T BE. My confidence has 5-8 mentos candies and 1 liter of diet coke in it. The judgments that made me defy the kingdom are no longer valid. Feels uncanny to know that the values and morals that you’ve adapted to, hung on to, stood for, and developed are deemed worthless.

You are nothing but a big book of batteekh.

If I was a book, I’d burn myself one page at a time.

But then again… I’d probably need a lighter with infinite gas to get rid of all the crap that I’ve fill my head with for the past 26 years. My irony, my personal anatomy, my very good riddance, my salvation from those weeds eating at my backyard.

It ain’t the 80’s son. Stop being a perfectionist. Let the worlds collide, let the girls strip naked, let Palestine fall, let them all lie, let the earth stop spinning, let it all burn and let the fucking smoke rise until it’s too blurry and dark to see anyway. Fucking choke to death. IT DOES NOT MATTER.

NOTHING MATTERS.

FUCK IT.