Author's Signature

    Яαgιи Яαvєи
    Cairo, Egypt
    Wanting people to listen, you can't just tap them on the shoulder anymore. You have to hit them with a sledgehammer, and then you'll notice you've got their strict attention.
View Profile

Enter your Email


Tapping at my chamber door

In 2008, I'll Get Me A Shotgun

I will also:
2. Get closer to
Job hunt some more.
4. Get closer to my
5. Learn a new language.
Finish at least one screenplay.
Lose the extra weight.
8. Get a
driver's license. I will not buy a car.
9. I will
rule my world.
10. I will have my

« Home | At Sucking » | Lucky Wave » | Identity Crisis » | Spine » | Never ceases now, does it? » | That deafening, alluring sound » | I used to call it 'home' » | I suspect... » | Window » | بدل بطيخ »


One of the well known definitions of the word is to settle down. So what settles down exactly? Don’t they also describe a rock (or a body for that matter) that hits the bottom of an ocean that it settles down?

Hmm… I don’t want to get into that really.

Many people, of our generation specifically, have trouble accepting the idea of arranged marriages. Especially men I guess. We hate the fact that we’re going in to meet up with a total stranger, ask him to marry his daughter (who’s usually also a stranger) and promise to take care of her forever. Same lines, same clichés. It’s like we’ve all been reading the same book.

Many questions hit the brain where it hurts most once that issue rises up in the horizon, such as what if she ain’t as pretty as described, what if her father’s an SOB, what if her mom’s a bitch, what if her brother’s a pain in the ass, what if they ask for a lot of money, what if they want to write an “ayma”, what if… well… the list’s too long I don’t think I have enough ink.

Unfortunately, once a man decides to do it right; knock on a door, meet the man of the house, and propose with his faith in God in his heart and his mind on the table; everything changes. Sometimes, that is.

I hate stereotype.

I used to think that it’s like buying a car but it’s not… at least not all the time. Al 7amdulellah I’ve sorta grown into the right perspective, the perspective I’d like to raise my kids into. If I were a father, I’d definitely want to check the proposer first. I, being the all powerful proposee, am probably going to be tough on him if he’s a wiseass. But then again… I’ll probably do what my parents did when it came to my sister. See if he’s a good man… then welcome him in. That’s what it’s all about I think.

It’s never like buying a car because you get enough time to get to know the girl before falling into… well.

It’s not a car because the father doesn’t get a commission out of it…

… at least not in most cases.

I know for sure now that I am no longer the dating type. No late phone calls that cuts off your sleep time, your phone credit, your wallet. No dates where you go out to meet a girl who just lied to her parents and told them that she’s out with “friends”… of course if her parents already knew that she was out on a date… then you know for sure you ain’t marrying that girl. But hey that’s just me; different religion, different culture… different perspective.

It’s funny how more and more unmarried people live together these days in Egypt. It’s sad how they keep promoting it in Egyptian movies now. It’s even sadder that, even though we depend on Sharia’a in many things in Egypt, there are no laws against adultery. Basically, you’d only get arrested if you were doing it in public. And that’s probably even not because you’re caught doing something wrong… it’s probably because they don’t want crowds to gather up in fear of a public demonstration against society for not giving them a chance to afford legal sex.

But hey… who can blame them, huh?

It’s funny how mobile phones have helped promote all that crap. Before Mobinil and Misrfone dating was limited. The people western wannabes out there on the streets today are the same 13 year olds who, in 1995, found a cell phone in their laps. We always search for ways to practice what’s wrong though the inventions of the “others”. I bet that if we ever had a nuclear bomb that we’d probably blow ourselves up.


Such a shame!!

Yeah so you’ll call her up on her cell phone every night at 11 pm and talk for like three to four hours. You can go for about a month before you realize that you’re done. Ain’t nothing more to talk about. See that’s what never happens with marriage. When you’re married you have someone to share every single moment with, moments that would probably slip off your mind when you’re talking on the phone with your ‘girlfriend’. But naah… we Gypos are smart. We don’t call it boyfriend or girlfriend anymore. In fact, we hate that term. Totally despise it. We’re ‘researchers’; ‘testers’ if the word makes you feel any better. We disguise the fact that we’re in a bf/gf relationship behind the mask of innocent and mutual acceptance. ‘We’re just trying to see if it’ll work out eventually, if we match’. Oh well, I bet you’ve been there… some of those researches have even lasted for years.

Yeah we’ve all fooled ourselves with that crap before haven’t we?

The innocent, publicly approved of, and secret online chats, the phone calls, the dates, the valentine gifts, and more and more… these things practically amputate baraka out of a relationship. Allah doesn’t bless whatever it is that you want to call it anymore. You’ll just lose it… and if you’re brave enough to waltz through the world, through a relationship, without God’s blessing, then you haven’t really been reading the right material.

I mean, one of my worst fears has to do with the W word. THE WEDDING. I don’t want to have one. I know that it’d probably be a deal breaker but, I don’t want to start my married life off with a bunch of people dancing to some cheap music, a zillion people staring at my wife… and in the end they all hate the wedding and end up talking about how bad it was, how fat you looked, how cheap the food was for the next month. My plan was always to do one of those Waleema kind of things at some hotel or whatever. Have everyone there, feed them a fancy dinner, have them congratulate you and what not… then leave in like a couple hours… off to our very own Euro trip. It sure won’t be cheap… but then again, overall, it’ll probably cost about the same as a four-hour wedding. But then again, unfortunately, most girls want to have a bigger wedding than that of their best friend or cousin. Most girls want everyone to know how successful you are and how excellent of a dancer you are.

Some cheap guys want their wives to have a bit of cleavage on their wedding just to show off.

God’s blessing, Europe… and a celebration with well cooked food… If it’s all about the WHITE DRESS… then I don’t want that kind of person in my life. Since I’ll be asked on the Day of Judgment about how I spent my money, I’d rather give the wedding money to the poor.

I am not even going to mention love in this post because… well, I’m not a pop star and I’m not trying to get laid here. I’m just babbling about… the right thing for a change.

But hey… that’s just me.

I agree with you here, Raven. The baraka amputation, the so-called innocent relationships & the money.

Arranged marriages or not, it doesn't matter. All you want is happiness, love and a life full of Ta'3a. so if u really really want that life, Allah will give it to you isA, and even more.

I really didn't wanna get personal, but as I carried on reading, I felt that I should..

There is this proposal.. Marriage proposal.. My school principle called and asked to talk to mama and then told her about this dude.. And then they are still planning and im sure it will be something like him coming over with them to CHECK US OUT!

So it's not only hard from your (guys) side, but from our (girls, young ladies supposedly) side too!

Don't really know!!

All I do know is that I agree with you on the wedding partying part.. Except for the hotel part.. I think it's even better celebrating this "mithaq ghaleeth" somewhere better where wine isn't close by..

May Allah cloak you & us with the suitable mate.. Amen.

With respect,

it's hard for you guys in these globalisation days.
it's hard for all people to get someone right to spend pour lifes with but at least we can live sinnfully and not be judged, we can be researches all our lifes, so i guess it is way harder for you.
but why do you just moan and write post about it? go out, try it out, throw yourself in that sea and see if you're a rock or a feather. Im sure it's not as wrong to dicover a little in terms of conversation as it would be to cheat or think about cheating your spouse.
but the again...shit...what do i know about this stuff

I wasn't moaning about it!!!

As for why am I posting about it?
1. It's because this is my blog page and I tend to write whatever I want :)
2. I thought I might actually do some good by posting such a post online. There are a billion people out there who are probably wondering about the same issues.

People of different religions or cultures may find my words retarded somehow, but from my religion's point of view it's not. It has a lot to do with faith.

And I don't think I'd like to walk into a bar or a club or whatever, say a witty pickup line and get hooked up with a girl. It shouldn't work that way. Self esteem and respect, dignity, God's blessing, and a thousand more elements force me to despise doing that.

but then again.. that's just me talking.

and Sara - you're totally right about the wine thing. Thank you :)

And they're not going to drop by at your place to check you guys out. You and your parents will get a chance to see the dude, find if he deserves a chance aslan walla la2.. then if the guy's alright (superficially)..err.. both families can go to a club or whatever where the two of you can get a chance to talk. If things go alright then you guys can go check them out too.

He's the one proposing dude, he earned the right to check you guys out first :P (just kidding)

I wish you all the best wensha2alla law feeh kheer Allah will make this whole thing feel smooth and easy.

maybe you missunderstood my question or maybe the quetion was written in that confusing way, but i didn't want to know why are you posting that as in stop it, i'm happy you posted it, actually i intend to use some of your thoughts in my report, i think it's great of you to post it, but it would be also good if you went out there and start finding out for yourself how this love biznis really is.
they way i see you in this post is that you're on top of a cliff looking down and wondering, questioning and i find it nice that you post about it, it is interesting even from sociological point of view. and so i have no problems at all if you write about it. but living your life like that and wondering all the time, this is what i was commenting. i was saying make some actiom: throw yourself into it or give it up and go down the hill but i no way must you stop posting about any matter.

Your post is spot on! Weddings nowadays have turned from this celebration of love to a bleemin' circus! If I ever get married, I'm trimming the list down to family and CLOSE friends. No kiss ass invites! Honestly, who would invite their boss to their wedding? And if you thought people splurge on weddings, you haven't a clue about the damn honeymoon! Some bridal suite at a 7 star hotel in the Maldives. Sheesh. It's all part of the circus act. What's so horrible about backpackin Europe, India or better yet Malaysia! Alright maybe backpacking isn't the way to go on your honeymoon but a nice B & B would be amazing.

Anyhow, it's the marriage that counts, not the wedding... not the honeymoon but the lifetime commitment you vowed to take with your partner in crime. I'd type my theory on marriages but I'd probably hog your entire blog!

Great post as always, RR!

Well, I would definitely invite my boss. It's one of those social hypocrisy things that you just GOTTA DO!! Unquestionable.

I'd definitely backpack through Europe on my honeymoon. Nothing's fun about booking a room at a fancy hotel in Malaysia.. and stare for hours at the beach. I ain't the type. I'd rather walk down cold alleys in Prague.

But then again.. I'm just saying that now. I keep changing my mind.

Oh well.. I should really delete some of my old posts :P

Don't you even dare, delete any of your old posts that is. I'm yet to read them. And if my future hubby were to ever think of inviting any unwanted guests at the wedding, I'll kick his arse, in an endearing way though... no need for violence.

Post a Comment

Recently Judged

Links, links & links

Blog Directory & Search engine