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    Яαgιи Яαvєи
    Cairo, Egypt
    Wanting people to listen, you can't just tap them on the shoulder anymore. You have to hit them with a sledgehammer, and then you'll notice you've got their strict attention.
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Tapping at my chamber door



In 2008, I'll Get Me A Shotgun


I will also:
1.
Yield
2. Get closer to
God
3.
Job hunt some more.
4. Get closer to my
family.
5. Learn a new language.
6.
Finish at least one screenplay.
7.
Lose the extra weight.
8. Get a
driver's license. I will not buy a car.
9. I will
rule my world.
10. I will have my
revenge.

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On deranged marriages

It was mid April when we initiated the first contact. She works at a pharmacy nearby where my dad gets his daily meds. Of course, my father, like every loving Egyptian parent, asked me to go check her out. I figured sure… what’s the worst that could happen?

So I went. I saw her. I remember that my brother said that I should have introduced myself… but I figured that in the end I’m the guy… Guys usually take the first step and if the girl doesn’t like him they can apologize and that’s it… rejection shouldn’t be surprising for a guy. But I would hate to go propose to someone then not like how they are or how they looked or whatever…

Basically… I figured that if I went and talked to her it wouldn’t seem right. I mean the reason that I chose that “arranged” deal was for me to limit the chances of corruption. Al Shaytan lurks around always, I figured.

Oh well… at least my intentions were good I thought.

I was informed that she just broke off an engagement, but I didn’t mind.

Anyways… Since I hated to be rejected for being a banker or whatever, I naturally asked my father to get the owner of the pharmacy for whom the girl works to ask her how she felt about bankers.

To cut to the chase… all seemed good enough at the frontier.

The girl’s younger sister had her traditional THANAWEYA 3AMMA exams and they said their house was a mess. So we met at a club nearby (No wonder we all have memberships to clubs that we never go to). Bada bing, bada boom…I think the parents actually liked me. They spent the entire night chasing my two year old niece. She was hilarious. A little boy actually dropped by and asked us if we could take her home cos she kept bothering him. Her first crush… who would have thought.

Anyways… back to me now. Apparently, the girl’s older brother whispered something to his sister then to her father… then the father told me that he wouldn’t mind if I took the girl for a walk. How sweet of him, I thought.

We walked… we talked. I usually don’t have problems talking to girls… but this time it felt weird. Like really weird. I mean the girl I’m talking to could actually be my future Mrs. I figured. And… I COULD NOT MAKE UP MY MIND.

The next day, over the phone, we were informed that they would love it if we could get together again to give the two of us another chance to get to know each other a bit further. We met; me, her, my mom and hers. That second time went fine. It somehow felt right.

The night ended and the next day we were informed that since everything seems fine, we should sit for the “financial” part of the deal, but since the father was away, they’ll call again once he gets back from his trip to set a date.

Her mom called the next week and said that the girl changed her mind.

My sister ran into the girl at the pharmacy by accident. The girl said that her parents wanted the whole deal to move fast enough that it scared her away. Naturally, I went to the pharmacy and told the girl that if that is the only reason why she broke it off, then I wouldn’t mind for us to take our time to get to know each other until she’s settled. She liked the idea and thanked me for showing up. I also said that we should put the whole deal on hold until her sister’s exams were over.

Later, when my mother talked to her mom, we decided that we’ll get together in one month, when the thanaweyya 3amma exams were over.

Now here’s the twist… her mother said that they wouldn’t mind if I called the girl up during that month sabbatical.

I never called.

I didn’t want to call. I was escaping the whole phone calls, internet chats, dates, and all that crap and it all chased me back.

Eventually… the month passed. We called. The mother said that she’ll talk to the girl and get back to us. That was June 29.

I never heard from them ever since.

I guess that me not calling her up wasn’t the right move in their eyes, but it sure was the right thing to do in mine.

Am I pushing it, being too strict… or am I just right? I dunno…

I guess that the reason it ended will remain a mystery to me… but then again… nobody said that arranges marriages are easy… it’s just that I never thought I’d… you know. GET REJECTED. Perhaps it’s an inner egoistic monster that eats at me. I know I’ll still stick to the arranged marriages ordeal… maybe not? I dunno…

There’s the family, crapping in your mind with their bullshit theories about why they said what… and the hidden evil meanings surrounding their invitation for a brownie. Surprisingly their opinions about important issues rise long after the proposal has been rejected. If only they’d have told me earlier about what was said while I was away… I know I would have acted differently.

There’s the whole job interview feeling and the need to throw in your negatives in an attempt to be one hundred percent honest.

Now I’ve learned that they may call it arranged because the parents arrange the meeting, but I’d like to think that Allah is the one who arranges it all... who’s arranged it all.

A friend of mine said to me Seebak… ma7addesh beyetgawwez merat 7ad. To which I said: Well, not if they do it illegally.

I guess there’s always a bright side to things…

Well…

That was attempt number one.

Well Apparently attempt number one failed though I am not totally pessimistic, and yeah I think you have called, dude you were trying to escape the whole phones and chats that happen prior to things getting serious, now that things were serious you should have called, I mean come on, she needs to make sure that she is marrying someone she would accept for life, and I guess you do need the same, don't ya?

Anyhow, good luck with attempt no. Two... I think it will be better insha2allah...

JUST ONE QUESTION..

How do YOU feel about being a banker?

You know, that's what really matters.. Not what she or any other girl in the universe thinks.. It's all about you..

You believe it's fine, then NEVER mind any girl's opinion.. Even if that was the last girl in the universe..

And if you don't believe you're on the right foot, then you should take a different leap..

With respect,

PS. To the above commenter, who said this was a bad attempt? Or an unfortunate one? I believe it was all about khair knockin your door.. If your intention was right brother, then trust me WALLAHI it went to the right direction.. If it was as you said:
"I was escaping the whole phone calls, internet chats, dates, and all that crap and it all chased me back."

Rabina yerzoak billy temshy ma'aha fil halal liljannah.. Amen.

GBK - It always starts with a phone call. I shouldn't be the one explaining that to you man. You know how it goes. Most of the girls whom I've talked to or gone out with has their parents fully aware of my existence. It doesn't make it any better. It's a good way to fool your own conscience... but it ain't right.

You have to put your trust in Allah. She should have put her trust there.. She didn't.. that means it wasn't right in the first place. Al tayyeboona lel tayyebat... don't you think?

Wallaho a3lam.

Sara - When I returned from 7ajj I was completely set on quitting... but I started to picture the banking system without people who think that they could actually make a good change for a client, not use them or abuse their fundings. Basically, I can never be sure. El mofty allah yebareklo said that banks are ok, loans are ok, insurance is ok... Oh well, I won't judge him. All I know is that I am not rich enough to start an Islamic banking system in Egypt, but I am experienced enough to use my banking knowledge in an attempt to lead clients to a better solution... financially.

Wallaho a3lam bardo.

Well, I think that if things did not work out because she wanted you to call and you did not want to do things that way then it is a sign that you guys do not view things the same way.
Do not question if you are right, wrong, or too strict. Everyone will have an opinion to that.. and in the end the only one that matters is yours.
Just make sure you feel comfortable doing everything and you will find the girl who thinks and feels the same!
Good luck!!

you're leaving it in God's hands, no worries then.... to call or not to call was basically u being urself and being comfortable with it, if she's not, then like nora said, u two r on different wave lengths :)

i like what u replied to ur friend with.. so true in this messed up world :)

I think that past events may be coming in the way of future ones, ones that could be great and worth a shot. Calling doesn't necessarily have to mean talking until the wee hours of the morning. It was only for that one month anyway. Her mother seemed to be ok with you going out while somebody else being there like you did the first two times you met. Allah has given you means by which you are to "get to know your partner" prior to tying the knot...we da men ra7meto. This wasn't your naseeb, or may be it is who knows, i just think (from a girl's perspective)that she should be granted the right to feel comfortable and especially when she's been engaged in the past and things didn't work out.

el 7asal 7asal but i guess i felt the need to drop my two cents in. rabina ywafa2ak.

Anon...

"Allah has given you means by which you are to "get to know your partner" prior to tying the knot...we da men ra7meto."

If he is not comfortable with it then he should not do it....
You do not know if that was men ra7meto or not..
Sleeping with someone before marriage is a great way to get to know someone... does it men that Allah men ra7meto is giving us the means? No..
People should do whatever they are comfortable with and not go beyond the limits of what feels right to them... no matter where those limits are.
If he feels uncomfortable talking with her with no formal relationship then he should not..

But that is just my two cents..
:o)

premarital sex and talking on the phone with the parents consent cannot be equated, it's quite shocking that you used that analogy. He wasn't comfortable with talking to her because he was and i quote "escaping the whole phone calls, internet chats, dates, and all that crap"...but the whole approach to this girl was different than anything he'd ever done before since as he's mentioned before, he never gave arranged marriages any attention, he was even against them. I'm not trying to meddle into his business, but that's my analysis of the situation. Maybe it was forced? maybe he didn't like that girl enough to feel like he needed to talk to her or miss her? and but what i really think is that this is just a phobia stemming from the crap he's been trying to avoid.

Are you people actually analyzing me? I'm very flattered.

When I pursued the arranged marriage ordeal, I put my faith in God. I knew that if I did so, then Allah would never let me down. I did not want to give Satan a single chance to get through a phone call, a date.. I met that girl twice. If I wanted to act cool, I would have. If I wanted to act like I don't care, I would have. If I wanted to throw in a couple of dreamy romantic garbage, I would have. Just say whatever the fuck they wanna hear and you're in.

But I didn't want to.

But then again.. some people.. actually a LOT of people might think of me as a retard for writing this piece, expressing my thoughts and beliefs. Dating is wrong. Premarital sex, kissing, touching.. all wrong. There is no such thing as friends from the opposite sex (They have at least once pictured you naked or at least wanted to date you). Phone calls are never innocent. Internet chats are all about thinking of a way to make yourself look cool in the eyes of that other potential someone.

It's funny though (and this is irrelevant to my topic, but is somehow relevant to this pointless discussion).. I never judge the people who don't mind having premarital/casual sex. They date and do the whole sequence and in the end they get laid. Fair enough if they don't believe that adultery is a sin. What I do find weird is people who date and at the end of the day go home still feeling very, very horny.

Now that was rough.. but it's still the truest statement on this comment page.

My two cents ;)

They're analyzing you dude, guys you will just inflate his ego :P

We ba3deen Khali balak 3ashan the next thing they are pulling out knives on each other on your blog man :P

And my last words about your whole attemot, it was an attempt, and rabena mawafa2sh, maybe the next time and be open to analyze it again and again before you go for a final decision about what was right and what was wrong, disregarding all that we say here...

premarital sex and talking on the phone with the parents consent cannot be equated

I think that you fail to realize that he is talking about Allah's consent... not parents. If Allah has prohibited both than he should try to not do both if possible. So,in that regard both concepts are equatable.

it's quite shocking that you used that analogy.

Why is it shocking? Both are prohibited by your religion. I think it is shocking you are trying to convince someone to do something they feel is against their religion...

He wasn't comfortable with talking to her because he was and i quote "escaping the whole phone calls, internet chats, dates, and all that crap"...

I understood that he was escaping them because he wanted to try to do it in a religious manner...

I'm not trying to meddle into his business, but that's my analysis of the situation.

We're all meddling, we're all spewing our two cents here!

Maybe it was forced? maybe he didn't like that girl enough to feel like he needed to talk to her or miss her? and but what i really think is that this is just a phobia stemming from the crap he's been trying to avoid.

Well, if it were forced or he did not like her then he did the right thing by not calling. game playing is not cool.

Until he says it is a phobia than I will personally believe that he is doing it out of religious reasons... Maybe it would be best to ask him, instead of assuming..

RR, is this stemming from a phobia, or from religious reasons?

RR:

There is no such thing as friends from the opposite sex (They have at least once pictured you naked or at least wanted to date you).

I personally disagree. I have myriad male friends that I have never pictured naked or even thought of dating....

Phone calls are never innocent. Internet chats are all about thinking of a way to make yourself look cool in the eyes of that other potential someone.
I think life is all about trying to make yourself look cool. But to all people... not only on the phone or on the internet. And not only in heterosexual relationships.... I always try to make myself look the best I can.

It's funny though (and this is irrelevant to my topic, but is somehow relevant to this pointless discussion).. I never judge the people who don't mind having premarital/casual sex. They date and do the whole sequence and in the end they get laid. Fair enough if they don't believe that adultery is a sin. What I do find weird is people who date and at the end of the day go home still feeling very, very horny.
I am glad that you do not judge.. but maybe those people are dating a guy or girl to fin out if they are worthy of making love to. Not all guys and girls who date are convinced that this person is great.. that is why you date. To find out if they are the one or not. I think that dating someone to get to know them does not make them worthy of making love to. There are also people who respect virginity and themselves enough to want to save themselves for that special someone... that does not mean that they should not date any guy...

Now that was rough.. but it's still the truest statement on this comment page.
I'd just sau that this last comment is quite arrogant! I guess we have managed to inflate your ego!!
:o)

Nora,
I am glad that you do not judge.. but maybe those people are dating a guy or girl to fin out if they are worthy of making love to.
Worthy of making love to?! lol Oh please... Some relationships go beyond size and style.

I won't comment on the rest since clearly we would disagree. I know when to walk out on a debate. :)

Since I know when to not throw in words from the Quran or the Sunnah, I'll try and keep this balanced on the Donya scale of vocabulary.

Dating can be fun, educational, etc.. but, the way I see it.. only feeds the romantic hungry. There are always going to be imperfections and difference in opinion or attitude. Without a certain bond.. I believe that a person can easily just walk away and look forward to the next girl/guy in line.

Guess that's it. Most people would probably disagree here... but then again that's just my opinion. We rabbena yehdeena ajma3een. :)

I'd just sau that this last comment is quite arrogant! I guess we have managed to inflate your ego!!

Don't go there. It is quite inflatable. ;)

When I said worthy of making love to.. I did not mean anything about size or style...
I mean if this is the "one"..that special person we think worthy to share our lives with...
The one person that you want to spend the rest of your life with...

Anyway... I was just playing Devils Advocate here.. so, I'll just walk out on the debate also!
:o)

I'll try not to inflate said ego anymore!!

Raven,
wow I'm so proud! You actually resisted your "nafs's" desires for what you deep down knew was right! & I guess it's because you did that, Allah let this whole thing just go away. Attempt number 1 is over without doing anything sinful, without letting the Shaytan creep into it, mashAllah! I pray eno Allah ythabetak, & way to go for doing the Ta3a without considering any circumstances.

My fiancee used to send those casual messages before our Fatiha, and I NEVER answered any of them. I know there is no fitna in him just dropping a few words about his work, or whatever, but I also didn't want shaytan to creep into this...& I didn't care if he'd have thought I'm strict as long as I'm with Allah, trying to do my best to follow his Ta3a... then everything good WILL & MUST happen, whether he'd have left, or came, I'd have said el7amdollah.

Allah ythabetak, w yekremak & ybareklak in attempt number 2 inshallah.

Jannah,

First of all, alf mabrouk w rabbena yetammem be kol kheer in sha2 Allah.

Al donya is slippery and there are a zillion fitan that a person can fall into without even realizing that anything went wrong. That's why they're called "fitan". :)

There's nothing wrong with seeking Allah's praise. bel 3aks.. el mafrood 7aga zay keda tezeed men e7teram el ensan. ٍal 7amdulellah.
Wallahomma thabbetan ajma3een.

اللهم انا نعوذ بك من شرور أنفسنا
اللهم انا نعوذ بك من شرور أنفسنا
اللهم انا نعوذ بك من شرور أنفسنا

آمين

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