Don't read this. It's just one of dem days…

I hate Octobers. It’s been like that ever since I developed a memory, the coldest month of the year. I always thought that being impassionate about people would help me get places, but the more I stop caring, the further I get away, the more I feel like a coward.
Maybe I’m just too judgmental…
Is it a crime to stand up for an opinion, to die for what’s right… to despise indifference?

One thing I know for sure is that I never could let go. Funny thing about life, once you get too attached to something or someone, they vanish. Once you decide to let down your defenses, you find yourself regretting the moment before that idea evolved into motion, and you find yourself locked inside the moment right after the motion itself.
It’s like when you die. They say that you spend the time between death and the Day of Judgment doing whatever you were doing at the time of your death. I pray I would die doing something noble, doing something that would please Allah SWT.

I pray to Allah I would just learn how to move on and let go.
My memory serves me far too well.

I wonder if it’s possible for a person to feel the presence of his soul.

I try to escape the darkness that’s chasing me down the narrow corridors. It’s going to eat me; I know it. I will not go gently into that good night. I will try… even though a chicken shit piece of me knows that in the end, I will fail.

Is it because it’s Halloween? Is that why I’m scared of the invisible trolls trying to trick or treat me blind?

I keep telling myself that I don’t dwell on things, but maybe I do. I don’t do it proudly, but that’s the way I was made. My mind keeps quoting words said by people whom I've discarded permanently. The only thing strong enough to chase us through eternity are cruel jokes created by our minds.

Karma’s gonna getcha whether you like it or not. I often find myself paying for choices I’ve made in the past. The payment ain’t interest-free. It never is, otherwise nobody would care to get paid. You gotta give out something extra in order to get the goods… even if the goods are rotten shit.

It gets cold sometimes at night. I like going out in the cold. It’s the only time my skin gets colder than my interns. It’s the only time my chest feels warmth.
No wonder I’m a winter person. No wonder I’m a night person.

If only I could breathe it out…
I know I’d probably just breathe it all back in again.