Even though it was only a chat window, I refused to let go. I denied the existence of the button X and waited for more words to appear on a screen that, to me, resembled a crystal ball that induced magical things in to my world; a prism that makes light look a little different.

I couldn’t help but embrace the strings of whens and hows rushing through my brain. No answer to echo back to my unguarded self. Fear only happens when you love something, love yourself, or perhaps love someone. Fear… is basically the fear of losing yourself into the abyss of temporary divine injustice; the fear of not knowing, of the uncertain. I am too afraid. Nothing is controllable. Nothing is tangible. All I want is certainty; certainty that I can not see anywhere except in my own feelings.

I feared the return of the dark prince.
I fear him. I hate him.
Hate had a face to loath; to sketch on a dart board and shoot as I battle my own demons.

I feared… but then I aimed higher… and suddenly, I didn’t wanna shoot my darts anymore.
I became peaceful. This newly found peace that I have so longed for, that I gave a name. Peace also has a face now to cherish, to touch, to kiss… to watch as she sleeps and dreams.

I felt tranquility in my mind at last as my demons bowed to my graceful Queen. I thanked God for my fingers, for my voice, for her birth, for the gift of sound that made us connect.
Most of all, I thanked God for finally making me understand the question of ‘Why wait?’
I no longer needed the answer. She’s all the answers that I need.

I got up and looked through the same window that once resembled a ledge of salvation and prayed for the drought to be over. I felt the politics rushing in, politics that I never cared to mingle through. Society can be the enemy at some points no matter how much they think they know you. I can feel the urge to let go of my surviving ego. I know that khalaaas… it’s about time. It’s about time to try to gain their trust. Trust that I never cared to fight for. Love me or leave me. I don't fucking care. That has always been my motto… but it’s time to walk the distance now. It’s time to impress. It’s time to open up to the world and let the people know who I am, what I’m capable of, what I want out of life… to make them trust me.

It’s time to let the world know how much I love her.

I looked through the window again and whispered to the God watching over me, ‘What did I do that made me so deserving?’

الحمدلله

I love you, fair lady of my heart.
I always will.