And the Gmail inbox’s still empty. I have 1227 spam emails in my spam folder. From the corporate point of view, I must be popular. Most of the days, I only receive email notifications about new comments on my blog. I hardly ever receive new emails from friends. My “updated” contact list has five people on it and they’re usually offline.

My cyber days are running out.

No. I don’t think I mind.

On my computer hard disk I have a folder, and inside that folder I have another 13 folders. Each folder has a certain project that I’ve wanted to do, write, or plain whatever.

There’s another folder saved somewhere with all the info that I would need for that Euro trip that I’ve been planning for the past four years.

That’s all that I seem to have been doing for the past 6000 years; PLANNING.

Have I become an all talk and no walk kind of guy?

I’d like to think differently, but I haven’t been cut a break in a really long time that I’m beginning to wonder if such a notion still exists.

My weekends have become less interesting than the rest of the week. Something interesting always happens at work.

If someone asked you to describe what a dead end looked like from the point of view of a six year old, you’d probably picture a tall red brick wall that you can’t break. A couple strokes of dark colored oil to add a little darkness into the frame. You’d also picture something fancy behind it, but you don’t really know what it is.

You tell yourself that maybe with time that wall would cut you some slack, fall apart or melt… even though you know for sure that it won’t.

There’s a video file on my computer titled 1.mpg. I’ve had that file there for the past four months. Nope. I have no idea what’s on that video. Not really sure if I ever want to find out. It’s one of those fake mysteries you throw into your life to try and spice it up a little. I know that in the end I’ll just delete the damn file and move on… even though its existence has an unexplainable bliss to it.

The silly things we believe in…

Just like that silly break you’re waiting for.

Oh well…

It’s a no brainer really. Everything is. You’re either just too proud or too damn stupid to notice it.

If only I could close my eyes and make it all disappear, make them all vanish. If only I had a magic eraser that I can use to block out their words, wipe out their faces. Maybe I’d add a silly mustache here and there just to add a little comedy to it.

If only I could black out, pretend it’s not even there… that’s it’s all been a bad dream.

But it’s not.

I could always look back and wonder what if things were different… five years ago, six years ahead, 9 years in the past.

When is the “right time”?

What is the “right time”?

Define “right”.

Is it a direction or a merely just a point of view?

I wonder if the notion of righteousness was so obvious, why is the world in such the devastating state it is in today.

I’ll quote one of my favorite sayings that goes…

لولا قشرة الحضارة لكنت التهمتك

Why do we follow instead of lead? Why do we listen to them? Why do we even care? Why do they think they know better? I thought I was the egoistic one.

I keep thinking that I’m doing the “right” thing.

Why the pressure?

The pressure’s gotten too damn hard that gravity is incomparable, that trees can’t emerge from underneath the ground. The pressure’s too hard I don’t even want to think.

That pressure? It could have broken that red brick wall. But instead it chose to stay still and push me further away from every sense of logic.

I hate to admit it… but I just don’t know what to think. I’m tired of listening. I’m tired of thinking. I need a vacation.

Maybe I should use that wall to build me a temple.

Maybe I just don’t fit.

I’ll just pack up my rage and walk away… air quoting myself just to be able to feel a little special.

I’ll just look up… and wait.