Full moon and shivers got me to think
So hard I couldn’t sleep. I even failed to blink.
I made a list of things I would never save.
And a silly list of things I would take to my grave.
The skeptic curves I’ve smiled and the heartaches.
The assumptions I’ve made and the stupid mistakes.
The ring of my phone that I’ve always ignored.
And the tapping at my imaginary door.
The way my hand looks like my mother’s.
The way it tells winter from the way it shivers.
The sound of my snooze that cries for five more minutes.
The ten half novels and the untold lyrics.
That refrigerator buzz that drives me insane.
And the dry eyes I bear even when it rains.
The way I always wear my watch upside down.
The way she teased me with that velvet gown.
That incredibly overwhelming fear of change.
That very tall shadow I’ve so elegantly chased.
The invisible dots of bullshit I’ve marked and traced.
And the way I unwillingly forget her face.
The beep of the garbage truck at 3 am.
The never ending availability of the silent ‘them’.
The flu that manipulates me once a year.
The meds that weaken me and hurt my ear.
My inability to adapt to the changing minds.
The rage and hatred I’ve trailed behind.
The fear of change that deprives me of sleep.
The dream of me falling into a well so deep.
The list that loses value. I cut it with a knife.
To wear as a price tag around my neck that reads life.
If only age could halt at 18.
If only life was one long dream.
If only time wasn’t an inevitable never.
My list could stay the same forever.