They should cut us off globalization. We only manage to embarrass ourselves, don't we?

So back to the main issue… Meetings are usually clichéd everywhere. Same people, same attitudes, same faces, different places.

There's always the key speaker, usually the head of the place, the branch manager in my case. Also usually is the person who knows least about the job. She's been there far too long, she's started to not give a shit around the time I was born, but doesn't want people to realize that fact. During department meetings, she usually sits there and gets to listen to people talk about their work. The reason she does that is because she wants to try to actually know a bit about what's going on right before the big crash.

It never is fun, the meeting. We get to hear the same bullshit about accountability, responsibility, and team spirit… the same load of BS a five year old can quote from a book titled Basic Principles of Management. Right after a team spirit speech is well said, another one is laid out about competition, personal appraisal, and how the profit sharing scheme has changed to only reward the efficient and demote the unqualified. Our nature, as fellow incompetent Egyptians makes everyone hate the new scheme. In the end, they promote whoever been there the longest. It's like an endurance quest basically.

Same bullshit, different place.

There's also the ass kisser. Usually a he if the manager's a dude. A she can kiss both asses no problem.

It's not because women are malicious, but more due to the vulnerability and fragility of management who always want to be praised about the nothingness they tend to add. Ass kissing should be a profession, a craft… it's not easy to kiss ass. You gotta know the right time and the right words. Ass kissers usually don't care much about his/her colleagues. They know that this is what they need to do in order to get places.
They usually do.

Ass kissing doesn't always stop at top management. It continues along the chain of potential managers. You never know who's gonna be evaluation you next year. That's probably their moto.

'I love to see you work', she said.

Right next to the Ass-Kisser usually sits the Silent Rebel. Usually a he… sits there quietly, observing. Numb smiles when he's spotted by top management. He usually has four-seven friends in the whole branch at most. He meets clients with a big Fuck You on his forehead that only his close colleagues can see behind a big fake smile that says You Can't Hold Anything Against Me.

I love to watch them work.

Then comes the house wife… Always a she. She's proof that women belong at home and that the only profession they're suited for is parenting; IF THAT. She can't wait for the next paycheck. She usually possesses the least product knowledge among the herd. Her contributions are usually dramatically insignificant. Her sick leaves are BEYOND whatever. She's usually the first to leave and if she stays ten minutes after five, Drama becomes her middle name. They should pay her kind to not show up.

There's also the paranoid-nervous-wreck. He's shaken by anything, but usually the most loved… or felt sorry for; makes you wonder. He's been there far too long, yet he still doesn't know how to hold his worries in. Makes you wonder if he's on too much caffeine or if he's an ex-Aerosmith who's just shot-up one too many times. He's proof that humans of his status, if induced with enough Ecstasy, can fly. He's usually the one who looks like he's about to blow himself up.

Oh and there's me… the guy who blogs about it all.

This is my very personal evaluation.

If only I could LONO it to top management.